Dear 30: About how you think you have it all figured out
Dear 30:
Look at your cute little unmarried, unwrinkled self on your last New Years Eve as a single woman (at least for the next 15 years).
No kids. No cares. No scars.
Just bangs and manicured nails and smooth skin and confidence and sweet little puckered-up, cigar-smoking lips…and the firm belief that you have got it all figured out.
I know you are thinking that everything has fallen into place. You have a great job, you have found a good man, you are getting married in the upcoming year and moving into a beautiful house in the country. If you were in a romantic comedy, it would be nearing the end of the movie – you have had your funny adventures with your girlfriends, kissed a few frogs, gotten together, broken up and gotten back together with the Man Of Your Dreams and you are ready to live Happily Ever After.
The End.
Cue “Thinking Out Loud” by Ed Sheeran and roll the credits.
Oh, wait…it is 2000 and Ed is only eight.
Cue “From This Moment” by Shania Twain and roll the credits.
Unfortunately, 30, this is not a romantic comedy. It’s actually more of an epic, sweeping tale, like “Gone With the Wind”. You are Scarlet at the beginning of the movie, with her 18-inch cinched waist, owning the room as she swirls around in her pretty dress saying, “Fiddle Dee Dee”. But 30, there is a lot more to this movie than that. A lot is going to happen in the next 20 years. Important people will come in to your life and other important people will leave it. There will be babies and multiple relocations and some periods of intense fighting. Things you thought permanent will burn to the ground, allowing new and beautiful things to rise from the ashes. A small group of gritty women will stand by your side through it all – and even though your life will not look anything like what you expected, you are going to grow into the woman you were meant to be.
If I could reach back through time, I would scribble a few very important words on a bar napkin and tuck it into those size 2 Gap jeans. It would look something like this:
Remember Your Worth
(Also: Wear your Sunscreen. And give brussels sprouts another chance.)
From where I sit (at 50), I can say without hesitation…life is damn complicated, 30. It can cause you to forget your worth, if you aren’t intentional about remembering. As you read this, you are virtually unchallenged by the grueling things life can throw at you. (I know it is hard to believe, but planning a wedding does not even make the Top 25 list of Life’s Difficult Challenges). You are clear and confident about who you are and what you bring to the table. But as life unfolds, people and situations can sometimes cloud that clarity. Make certain that your worth is a fundamental assumption as you navigate through life’s decisions and grow relationships. You love big and you give yourself 100% to the people you love. There is no getting around that fact. But this is important, 30…you can, and you should expect the same big love and 100% commitment in return. Do not settle for less. No matter the season of life (newly married, young babies, divorced, raising teenagers) and no matter the circumstances (dating at 50… I am absolutely not kidding), find the people who see you and value you – and keep them close. Don’t apologize for being too much. Don’t tolerate being undervalued. Never try to squeeze yourself into a box that is way too small. In fact, never allow yourself to be put in a box, period. You are meant for much more than that. Show the world that you know your worth, because someday your daughter and son will be watching. Teach them.
That’s my message to you, sweet little stretchmark-free 30…remember your worth.
You are worth being recognized. You are worth being pursued. You are worth being appreciated and respected. You are worth being celebrated and cherished. You are worthy of big love and 100% commitment. And frankly, my dear…you will always be worth waiting for.
Fondly,
50